[News] Fulfilling but hard: What American parents say about parenting

American parents generally love the job of raising their kids and most give themselves good grades on the job they’re doing, though 62% say parenting is harder than they expected.

Parents also worry more about their children’s mental health and whether they’ll be bullied or even kidnapped than they worry about drugs and alcohol, gun violence, teen pregnancy and getting in trouble with the police.

That’s according to a new report by Pew Research Center on U.S. parenting practices released Tuesday that examines how adults who have minor children feel about being parents, their aspirations for the kids, the pitfalls they hope those children will avoid and how they see the division of labor at home, among other topics. In the survey of nearly 3,800 adults, Pew also found differences based on gender, race and ethnicity. The poll was conducted between Sept. 20 and Oct. 2, and is nationally representative on gender, race, ethnicity, partisan affiliation and other factors.

“We had a series of questions asking parents to think about how parenting makes them feel,” said Rachel Minkin, a Pew research associate and study co-author with Juliana Horowitz, the associate director of research at the center. “A majority of parents say being a parent is rewarding, enjoyable — at least most of the time. But there are a substantial share saying that it’s tiring and stressful.”

More mothers than fathers say that — often to about the same degree that they say parenting feels rewarding. But only 26% of parents say it’s “a lot” harder than they expected.

Minkin told the Deseret News that the last time Pew asked parents to reflect on the job that is parenting was back in 2015. “A lot has happened in the country and the world since then,” she said. “So this was an opportunity to see how parents are thinking about these changes and check in about their approach to parenting.”

Top worries

So what does parenting mean to those who are raising children?

Black and Hispanic parents are the likeliest to say parenthood is an important part of their identity, compared to white or Asian parents: About 4 in 10 say that, compared to a quarter of whites and Asians. Blacks and Hispanics are also the most likely to say parenting is rewarding and enjoyable — though a big majority of all four racial and ethnic groups agree that’s true.

In the survey, parents were asked to respond to a curated list of worries, noting the degree to which they do or don’t worry about eight different things. Overall, parents worry most about their children developing anxiety or depression, followed by being bullied, being kidnapped, getting physically attacked, using drugs and alcohol, being shot, teen pregnancy and getting into trouble with the police.

Mothers are more likely to worry about most of these issues, compared to fathers.

The report said that lower-income and Hispanic parents worry more about physical safety, teen pregnancy and alcohol and drugs, compared to those who are Black, white or Asian. Black and Hispanic parents are more likely than white or Asian parents to worry about children getting shot or having trouble with police.

Other surveys have also asked parents to talk about their concerns and values when it comes to raising children. The 2022 American Family Survey presented a different list of issues that families could be concerned about and asked a nationally representative 3,000 adults to pick the three they think most challenge U.S. households. Not surprisingly, the high cost of raising a family in a time period vexed by high inflation ranked at the top of that list. But it wasn’t alone there. Respondents also worried as much about how other people discipline their children.

The American Family Survey, now in its eighth year, is a collaboration of the Deseret News and BYU’s Center for the Study of Elections and Democracy, with the poll conducted by YouGov.

Among their three choices for most-challenging issues, at least a quarter of respondents in the American Family Survey picked work demands (30%) and single-parent homes (26%). Those both came in ahead of crime (21%), the decline of faith (20%), lack of quality family time in a digital age (20%), lack of programs to help struggling families (16%), drugs and alcohol (16%), lack of good jobs (14%), sexual permissiveness (13%) and the changing definition of marriage (13%).

Like father, like son?

The new Pew report asked, among other things, whether today’s parents try to emulate their own parents or raise their children differently. The findings were mixed.

A companion piece by Pew published with the report said that “Among parents who say they’re raising their children similarly to how they were raised, the dominant theme focused on values and beliefs that are important to their family. For those who are taking a different approach to parenting compared with their own upbringing, a focus on love and their relationship with their children was the most common theme.”

Source: https://www.deseret.com/2023/1/24/23568117/what-pew-research-parenting-survey-says-about-raising-kids-worries